201233

Joke of the Day

"Friend at the pub says: if they ever make a film on Oscar Pistorius, it shouldn't be called 'Bladerunner', it should be called.... Taking the Pisstorius."

"For people with a gluten allergy, it's kind of like kryptonite, except Superman didn't find a way to mention it in every conversation."

"And on the eighth day, God let the dogs out. And there was much confusion among the Baha Men."

"What do you call a insomniac dyslexic agnostic? A person who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog!"

"I thought about going to a psychic, but then I started having doubts and changed my mind At that moment I received a text message that said ""Well, that's too bad"""

"2016 That's it."

"*phone rings* Wife - ""Quick! Pretend I'm not in!"" Me - *puts lipstick on the dog and watches Sleepless in Seattle* Wife - ""...."""""

"Why did the scarecrow earn an achievement award? He was outstanding in his field"

"5: let's play the quiet game. Me: Okay 5: ready..? Start. Me: 5: Me: 5: whoever talks first is the loser."

"Did you know that witches don't wear panties? It's so they can get a better grip on the broomstick."