201217
Joke of the Day
"how do you keep bacon from curling in the pan? You take away their tiny brooms."
Next Joke
"How do you make a cheeseburger sad? Make it with blue cheese!"
"WIFE: Don't be scared of him. Tell your boss you quit. ME: Ok, I will. [later that day] ME: I quit BOSS: WHAT?? ME: I said, nice squid"
"Football is like sex By the end of it you'll be bruised, battered, and sore; but hey at least your dad came."
"I think my girlfriend might be a vegetarian... ...because I've never met a girl like herbivore."
"I just killed a man and his death is everywhere! (Ate a piece of toast and made some crumbs, dramatized for your entertainment *bow*)"
"I'm well versed in Mexico's version of Judo. Judo know if I got a knife... Judo know if I got a gun..."
"What do anal sex and spinach have in common If they were forced upon you as a child you wont like them as an adult"
"I like to push the ""stop time"" button on the microwave and walk around in slow motion until my wife calls me an idiot."
"I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch."