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Joke of the Day

"I was born caesarean. You can't really tell, although, whenever I leave the house I go out through the window."

"Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window"

"Wife: Well, they say a mirror adds ten pounds. Me: That's a cam- Wife: ... Me: Yes. Yes they do."

"I ""pet zone"" girls. It's like the friend zone, but, I only hang out if your dog will be there."

"*eats pizza out of box in bed *falls asleep *wakes up next to leftover pizza Voila! Breakfast in bed!"

"What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les. And yes, as a matter of fact, I am a dad."

"Two married man talking.. 1st man: Im so lucky, my wife is an angel. 2nd man: Good for you! Mine's still alive."

"TIL that my neighbors really like the metal song i'm playing on my 7.1 sound system I figured because he thrown a brick at my window to hear it better ! \m/"

"A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks... A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks while they are eating and asks: ""Is ANYTHING alright?"""

"Every day I learn something new as a parent. Today I learned I can't sit through my daughter's violin recital without a desire to die."