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Joke of the Day
"What is Mike Tyson's favorite thing for a woman to wear? Thort thorts."
Next Joke
"Newtonian physics are a good approximation for big objects that move slowly Like your mom"
"""Sorry my phone died"" -something I've said 5,326 times but it's never actually happened"
"How do we know the Earth was born on April 22nd?"
"Hey Baby are you Rockefeller? Because I think we should Horizontally Integrate."
"Time travel I solved a complicated algorithm which could send us back in time, watch... I solved a complicated algorithm which could send us back in time..."
"I wish I had trained flies that would fly into the mouths of people who chew with their mouths open"
"Will no one rid me of this turbulent poodle?"
"Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: not ripe Avocado: I'M RIPE NOW Avocado: okay you were in the bathroom so I rotted"
"[Inspecting car] *kicks tire* ""Mmhm just as I suspected, it can withstand a single kick."""