201066

Joke of the Day

"What's the hardest part about eating a vegetable? The Wheelchair"

"My wife told be that I don't understand the concept of irony. Which was ironic because we were in the car at the time."

"When everyone around you has their phone out... I guess you could say... you're in a phony world... I am so sorry guys."

"[grocery produce aisle] ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots? CLERK: No, why do you ask? CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?"

"JESUS: hey check this oute [turns my water into wine] ME: woa!! thanks jesus JESUS: [grabs wine out of my hands] NO!! THIS IS MY BLOOD NOW"

"What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber? Nothing. You can't cross a vector with a scalar."

"Father Christmas:I like the story about the girl who steals from the rich and gives it all to Granny. Elf: That's Little Red Robin Hood'!"

"Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road? Because the didn't have the guts to do it."

"I'm going to beat you up with my penis. .... It won't even be hard."

"Why are men like paper cups? They're disposable"