201048

Joke of the Day

"Three advantages of Alzheimers One: You meet new people everyday. Two: On Easter Day you can hide your own eggs. Three: You meet new people everyday."

"I was told I could view the eclipse through a colander. I think I strained my eyes"

"What do you call a nun in a wheel chair? Virgin Mobile"

"Such bullshit that people stop saying ""You ate it all! Good job!"" once you reach a certain age"

"Why can't you escape the angry forest? Because there are mad trees."

"I want to die quietly in my sleep like my grandad did. Not screaming in terror like his passengers."

"A man is walking around a costume party dressed in green with a woman on his shoulder When asked what he was he said he was a tortoise. Then when asked about the woman he replied ""she's Michelle""."

"How do you make a dead baby float? Easy! Just add Root beer and Ice Cream!"

"Someone told me to stop singing Wonderwall. I said maybe."

"HILLARY: donald-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: ...trump-- TRUMP: --wrong HILLARY: [smiling serenely] ...is good TRUMP: --wrong. nno wait. nno. no, no"