200810

Joke of the Day

"OMG! A CUSTOMER ALMOST DIED IN FRONT OF ME TODAY!! But then I counted to 10 and put the scissors back in the drawer. She never even knew."

"Everyone thinks its cute when a kid wants to be a pirate But when a Somalian kid says he wants to be a pirate it's a different story"

"If a tree falls on your wife, and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? The real question is... why the hell was there a tree in your kitchen?"

"Wife: Hit the light. *flicks switch (wrong light) *flicks another (fan) *flicks (disposer) *flicks (nothing) *flicks (some light in Canada)"

"I could never be gay I just can't have sex with someone I respect"

"What type of bagel can fly? A plain (plane) bagel!"

"Whats the difference between a chicken and an alligator? I don't know."

"The Story of Volcanos God: Ok, how about a mountain.. Angel: We got mountains. God: Lemme finish. That shits fire. Angel: Metal. *fist bump*"

"What do you call a baby Mexican? A paragraph because he's not quite an essay (ese)"

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? Ones fun to smash with a sledge hammer the others just a fucking watermelon."