200784

Joke of the Day

"[park bench with girlfriend] so you're dumping me because you don't think I'm smart? ""yes brent"" *starts raining* great and now sky water"

"30+ and single? There's an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat."

"Why doesn't Trump's campaign manager answer his phone? Unlike him it doesn't have battery charge."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? TEN-tickles TEN-tickles! I find it funny how most people say eight."

"I wanna be rich enough to realize that I can't buy happiness."

"People who do anal... (NSFW-ish) People who do anal are fucking assholes."

"My girlfriend is pissed at me for never putting down the toilet seat. To be honest, I AM getting pretty tired of carrying it around."

"Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!"

"Chipotle Haiku This chipotle is having a poetry contest for some reason. Here's my haiku: Eating chipotle. They messed up my order... Again I will die alone"

"I'm good at making friends. Wait, that's not right. Correction: I'm good at making friends up."