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Joke of the Day
"A roofie? .. but how does a roof take a picture of itself? I'm so confused."
Next Joke
"Your momma is so fat, we are all concerned for her health."
"Nurse: You need to eat or you can't have your pain meds. Me: Do the thing. Nurse: Me: Nurse: *holding fork* [sigh]*makes airplane noise*"
"Denied candy because I ""didn't wear red"". Kicked out of the office because I ""didn't wear pants"". I'm tired of these Valentine's Day rules."
"ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being GUY: Not every fiber? ME: I hate alot of people. I'm not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy"
"How did the Nazis come up with the name for their concentration camp? After the first Jew off the train said ""Awe shits."""
"Nothing fcuks up your Friday like realizing it's only Thursday!"
"Wait a sec...That's not how the proverb goes! A chain is only as strong as its weakest link. But once it breaks, you have two really strong chains, which, in some ways, is more useful."
"""Your mom is over capacity."" - me under my breath to twitter a second ago"
"When I see stars I think of you Because you're only beautiful from a distance"