200520

Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb."

"The police just released a statement that someone is going around pickpocketing midgets. I'm surprised someone could stoop so low."

"Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas. Neighbor: Nice. I got- Me: I know. I watched you guys open everything."

"Duct Tape is a lot like The Force It has a dark side, a light side, and it holds the universe together."

"There was a kidnapping earlier today But then he woke up"

"[at dinner] Wife: This is terrible. Me: Horrible. Waiter: Hey folks, how's your food? (simultaneously) Wife: Amazing! Me: Fantastic!"

"I'm moving up in my job as a bike mechanic I've been promoted to spokesperson"

"I like to go to the vet It's a lot cheaper than the doctor. The only shitty part is the thermometer"

"The egyptian man wouldnt admit he'd fallen in a river I guess he was in de Nile"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants??? One is a crusty bus station and one is a busty crustacean:D"