200504

Joke of the Day

"What happened when the lepers played poker? One guy threw down his hand and another laughed his head off. This was my best friend's favorite joke when she was little apparently."

"I hate how everybody is acting like they love this new pope so much and they're such big fans but probably can't even name 3 of his songs."

"What smells bad and sounds like a bell? Dung! Get it?!"

"I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80's cartoons taught me to do it as a kid."

"Donald Trump can't take any criticism... At this point he's such a pussy about it he may as well just grab himself."

"I walked into a family bathroom today at the movies... I identify as a family."

"Named my hamster Spam so when he dies I can bury him in a little tin coffin with his name on it."

"Brain: You've got ONE shot at this. Me: Ready. Brain: Go talk to her. ""YOUR HAIR IS THE COLOR OF HONEY CAN I TASTE IT?!?"" Brain: Magical!"

"My girlfriend said to me... ""If one day, you want to run away, just let me know..."" Turns out she meant together."

"I've accepted that my brother is never paying back that money I loaned him... I've lost interest, and I'm just giving up on the principal."