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Joke of the Day

"People who are genuinely surprised when politicians behave badly should be forced to wear helmets for their own protection."

"Noble gases are safe from the Fine Brothers. They never react."

"So Amish people just yell their tweets from the top of their barns?"

"""We were trapped in the elevator and had to make a terrible decision"" Which was? ""We ate Bill"" OMG. How long were you in there? ""4 minutes"""

"Q: Why do you look out the window in the morning? A: Because you can't see through walls, and you can't see anything at night anyway."

"*smokes fat doobie* *enters hotdog eating contest* *sets Guinness World Record* *gets disqualified for using performance-enhancing drugs*"

"How many Cowboys does it take to change a light bulb? None, they have Giants for that kinda shit."

"A Priest and a Rabbi walk by a park... The Priest turns to the Rabbi and days, ""Hey, wanna screw 'em?"" The Rabbi looks confused for a moment, and replies with, ""Out of what?"""

"England at the 2014 World Cup"

"If your friend is into BDSM... Should you get them a gag gift for Christmas?"