200301

Joke of the Day

"Why didn't Frodo hide the ring up his ass? Because Sam would disappear."

"*writing suicide letter Goodbye cruel world. Your going to really miss me when I'm gone... Cat: *you're"

"I hate Christmas. I work throughout the year to afford gifts, and the fat fucker with the beard gets all the credit. Still I suppose it's my fault for marrying her."

"(confronts Beck in line at Jamba Juice, holds up hurried sketch of Beyonce, aggressively does ""Single Ladies"" dance)"

"What's the difference between a drunk driver and a stoned driver? The drunk driver runs the stop sign. The stoned driver waits for it to turn green."

"Do people who swirl and sniff their wine in the glass know that it tastes just the same straight from the bottle? Amateurs."

"Snake: *hissssssssss* Feminist snake: \*herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr\*"

"What do you call a religiously-praised feces? Holy shit!"

"*finds own number on a bathroom stall* Call for a good time!? This is outrageous! *crosses out good; writes in GREAT* There. Fixed."

"How do you keep Trump busy for the rest of his term? Tell him his twitter phone is in the corner of his office."