200223

Joke of the Day

"Auto correct changed ""absence"" to ""absinthe"" and now my kid's school won't let me be on the PTA."

"Zelda is a web browser Because Link appears in it."

"When I go to a business that offers hand sanitizer by the cash register, I spit in it and say, ""If it works, that shouldn't be a problem."""

"Women are like a 1000 piece puzzle... Hard to finish in 10minutes"

"I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang"

"What do you call am alligator in a vest? An illogical situation imagined by a child."

"Son: How much does it cost to get married Dad? Father: I don't know son I'm still paying for it."

"Why did god give women yeast infections? So they know what it is like to live with an irritating cunt. Zing!"

"NEW EXPRESSIONS ""Kanye bless you."" ""Kanye damn it!"" ""One nation, under Kanye."" ""Thank Kanye Almighty!"" ""The Kanyefather, Part II"""

"[Interview room] Me: I'm not saying a word without my lawyer present Cop: You ARE the lawyer Me: So where's my present?!"