200040

Joke of the Day

"Let's party like it's 1999. (Drink Bud Lights at my warehouse job with the guy on work release who had to go back to jail every night)."

"why was six afraid of seven? because seven beats his wife thoroughly and brutally in front of six"

"Dear algebra, Stop telling us to find your x, she's never coming back. Don't ask y. Sincerely, PB1541"

"What does Rupert the Bear and Jack the Ripper have in common? Same middle name!"

"What do you get if a convict goes camping? Criminal Intent."

"She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle."

"I heard that loneliness can take 10 years off your life! I'm gonna die in 20 years."

"What do you get when you cross Tumblr with anything? A bunch of offended Tumblrinas"

"Who was the fattest Pharaoh of ancient Egypt? Hippo-Ptolemy"

"How many LA cops does it take to change light bulb? Six. One to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters."