199810

Joke of the Day

"I used to by my dad a neck tie on father's day, but now I buy him an Asian hooker. It's better to buy a Thai that he'll actually use."

"Why couldn't the soldier feel his legs? Because his arms were blown off."

"My wife left me over my pasta fetish I'm feeling cannelloni right now"

"Women are like raincoats. In a box in my attic marked ""raincoats."""

"What did the boy vampire say to the girl vampire? See you next period."

"FYI: hey my wife came home in a terrible mood and I figured I'd read her one of my tweets to cheer her up, turns out that's a bad idea guys"

"I always take a condom with me on a night out. Unfortunately, it is always the same one..."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cantaloupe ! Cantaloupe who ? Cantaloupe with you tonight !"

"TIFU: I ate my boss' sandwich out of the work fridge! Oops. Wrong sub."

"Umm, your honour? In my defence, I think it was a pretty decent exposure."