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Joke of the Day

"Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be"

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"TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy... for boarding the wrong vessel... just once Whoops, wrong *sub*."
"*only shaves legs in the spots exposed by my ripped jeans*"
"This is overexaggerated. 1/x"
"it's a status....not your diary..."
"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amory ! Amory who ? Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year !"
"There's a secret evolution of Eevee I found today. If you pay your Eevee every day for at least a month, it evolves into Patreon."
"I grew up thinking my Dad had tourettes.... turns out he just genuinely thought I was a fucking cunt."
"I figured out a way to chop onions without crying... The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion."
"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"