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Joke of the Day

"Must be nice to get married and finally know who the number one suspect in your murder case will be"

"TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy... for boarding the wrong vessel... just once Whoops, wrong *sub*."

"*only shaves legs in the spots exposed by my ripped jeans*"

"This is overexaggerated. 1/x"

"it's a status....not your diary..."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amory ! Amory who ? Amory Christmas and a Happy New Year !"

"There's a secret evolution of Eevee I found today. If you pay your Eevee every day for at least a month, it evolves into Patreon."

"I grew up thinking my Dad had tourettes.... turns out he just genuinely thought I was a fucking cunt."

"I figured out a way to chop onions without crying... The trick is avoiding getting emotionally attached to the onion."

"You know who loves to get fisted? Sock puppets... -credit to Daniel Tosh"