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Joke of the Day

"Peeing with a boner is the hardest thing to do."

"Back in my day, you didn't even know who was calling you when your phone rang. Shit was scary."

"[Dog asleep on rug] I once killed a bear with my own two paws [Legs move wildly] THAT'S IT I'M WAKING HIM ""No Henry. Let sleeping dogs lie."""

"Did you know fish have their own religion? It's called ""ichtheology."" They study it in school"

"I was asked to grade Caitlyn Jenner I went with a D-"

"Instead of going to college, just read a pile of books and barely do your laundry. Same thing."

"Meeting my friend's new kid is always awkward. I mean, do I let them smell my hand before I pet it or just go right in?"

"Bad idea? Son, I got married in my 20s. Ideas don't get any worse than that."

"Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?"

"[Wife walks in wearing nothing but whipped cream] Oh my god, Linda, it's like you've never even heard of ants."