199427

Joke of the Day

"That's it. I'm quitting cold turkey. But damn Thanksgiving leftovers are so good. I need my fixin's."

"A dwarf once walked into a brothel... with a honeycomb and a jackass; the madam says,.."

"NSFW The joke you'd never tell someone in person. I'll start What does a baby's vagina smell like? *Lean in, blows softly in your face*"

"I just want to have a long enough career in show business so I can become eccentric and bring a goat to a meeting or some shit"

"What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream? The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)"

"How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb? Only one, but first the lightbulb must decide to change itself."

"*at casino* When he hands you $100 and asks you to go get chips, do not ask him Doritos or Lays. Get both. It will leave him speechless."

"How do you get down from an elephant? You don't. You get down from a duck."

"My friends really into acid rock... Personally I prefer my music with more bass."

"God made me an atheist Who are you to question his Wisdom."