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Joke of the Day

"Hey guys! Remember the golden rules this festive season, when shopping in crowded places; 1/Walk slow 2/Stop for no reason 3/Repeat above"

"What do you call a funny snake? HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTERICAL ^^^my ^^^son ^^^^told ^^^^^me ^^^^^^this ^^^^^^^one.."

"The difference between Christian wives and Jewish wives? Christian wives have fake jewelry and real orgasms."

"*lady shares a wallet photo of her son* *i pull out a 20-part accordion wallet photo set of my dogs*"

"(really fucked up joke) How do you say happiness in German? Auschwitz"

"[meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese"

"Why don't lawyers have sex with their clients? To prevent double billing."

"What did the baker say when he saw the beautiful woman? ""I think I'm in loaf."" Ba dum, tss."

"What company makes Nerds? Your mom."

"Questions we just don't answer when kids ask: Where do babies come from? Is Santa real? What was Myspace?"