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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally ran over and killed my neighbor's cat today... I was too scared to tell him to his face, so I left a note saying ""curiosity was here."""

"Important Work Of 21st Century... The 21st century: Where Deleting history is more important than making it."

"What is the difference between a teacher and a train? A teacher says, ""Spit out your gum"" and a train says, ""Choo, Choo, Choo."""

"Why didn't the astronauts stay on the moon? Because it was a full moon and there was no room."

"180 degree Celsius = pi radian Celsius"

"Does syria have any walmarts? No, only targets."

"I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours."

"remember when everyone was worried we'd reached ""peak TV"" with too much to watch then it turned out we're a tragic nation of unending racism"

"If you love Christmas so much... *Why don't you merry it?*"

"The police came to my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes My dogs don't even have bikes."