199037

Joke of the Day

"I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on. I said ""You're pulling my leg"""

"What do accountants use for birth control? Their personalities."

"How many teachers does it take to change a lightbulb? Well I'm not just going to tell you. You need to figure it out yourself."

"My favorite thing about hot weather is the way it makes the fat people disappear."

"Knock, Knock Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to burst into tears as his grandmothers Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer recognize him."

"What do you call an unpleasant sand-carrying windstorm? Da Rude Sandstorm"

"What do you call a reptile that loves putting things in groups? a segreGATOR"

"*1st day on prozac* Me: These are awesome! What am I supposed to take tomorrow? Doctor: That was a 30 day supply. Me: Whoops."

"Want to know how the Cold War was ended? It was with Robotussin and space heaters."

"[Donald Duck opens gift] Daisy: It's pants. Try them on! Donald: [stands] STOP TRYING TO CHANGE ME WOMAN"