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Joke of the Day

"Why did the kid run across the freeway? To show his friends he had guts. And boy, did he have guts."

"Have you worked at McDonalds? I have. I got fired not long ago. My boss was a clown."

"Me (digging a hole): how's this? My clone: at least 6 feet deeper Me: you sure there's treasure? My Clone: toss me up your keys bud"

"As a customs officer, I don't always agree with people... ...but I see where they come from."

"Why did the belt get arrested? Because it held up a pair of pants. I'll show myself out."

"Yo mama is so fat...that she makes Godzilla look like an action figure"

"Excuse me, do you really need glasses... or are they just for looks?"

"Hey girl are you from Tennessee? Because I was wondering if you'd still be interested in me if I wasn't your cousin"

"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."

"God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history. Me: I'll show myself out."