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Joke of the Day

"A masked insurgent goes home The insurgent knocks on the door. ""Who is it?"" asks a young woman The insurgent replies: ""I, sis"""

"I never know what to do with my hands during sex. I just end up snapping my fingers along with the rhythm."

"I got 99 issues... And they are all collectable national geographics."

"I put the p in pants."

"I don't drink so that I'm more fun to be around. I drink so that you're more fun to be around."

"Two cows are standing in a field. The first cow says, ""hey, I'm really worried about this mad cow disease going around"". The second cow says, ""I don't care, I'm a submarine!""."

"I would rather crush the shit out of the back of my shoes than bend over and put them on properly."

"An owl decided to make romantic advances towards another owl. To wit, to woo."

"I wear my heart on my sleeve because if I wore it on my chest, it'd just get mustard stains on it."

"How do you make a cat go ""Woof!""? Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)"