198491

Joke of the Day

"Did anyone else think that... Mel Gibson's remake of the 'Life of Brian' wasn't nearly as funny as the original?"

"While your honesty is refreshing, I am regretfully unable to accept your chat request, IWillDoYouAnally23."

"What do you call someone with March Madness who doesn't even like basketball? A hypochondriac"

"I would like an Instagram feed of the piles of shit people push out of the way to get the perfect shots in their homes."

"What did the homeless man say to the woman who asked if he wanted 20$? Yeah."

"6am: Too tired 8am: This isn't so bad 1pm: OMG so tired 5pm: zombie 8pm: Dead 10pm: LETS SWIM THE ENGLISH CHANNEL & OVERTHINK FOR HOURS"

"[After losing a rap battle] ""How did he get a hold of my credit score?"""

"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? sneakers( iknow its old but its nice)"

"It's amazing, when a dog licks its own arse it's perfectly normal. But when I do it... I get arrested for bestiality."

"When you ""assume"" you make an ""ass"" out of ""Ume,"" my Hawaiian buddy, who hates assumptions."