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Joke of the Day

"Monkey: ""We're not so different"" Me: ""Did that monkey just talk to me"" Monkey: ""Monkey noise"" Me: ""Did it just say 'monkey noise'?"""

"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?"

"When you say ""liar liar pants on fire,"" it makes you a liar too. Their pants probably aren't on fire"

"*worm surgeon beside worm in hospital bed."" Doc:"" Surgery went good but the floor was slippery and long story short you have a son now."""

"The most terrifying thing a woman can say to me is ""notice anything different?"""

"What was the cause for Floyd Mayweather's first loss? He couldn't read his opponent's moves."

"Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets seem to be facing the same way."

"elephants sleep standing up you could be chillin with an elephant and at any moment they could just be like ""lmao for sure, g'night"""

"Why do pedophiles like to play guitar? Because it's completely ok to finger A minor"

"The 2016 election What a joke, am I right?"