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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are sitting in an oven... One turns to the other and says ""It's getting pretty hot in here isn't it? "" The other muffin says ""Holy shit! A talking muffin! """

"My buddy just lost his job at a cinema that only shows Pixar films... He forgot to show Up"

"Morrissey has cancer I know, I know, it's serious."

"I hate when people say my skirt looks slutty.. Like, who cares if my balls hang out a little?"

"Why don't they show porn on an IMAX screen? Because they can't fit your mum on the screen"

"They should remake The Ring; instead of a tape, the creepy little girl uploads her video to YouTube and wipes out pretty much everybody."

"I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and my doctor said it was caused by browsing /r/funny."

"Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He is all right now."

"[tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend."

"Like I was telling my friends, my wife walked into a door. and that pissed me off so I hit her."