198292

Joke of the Day

"Loads of people are lining up to buy my vampire teeth. Fang queue."

"BLONDE BRAIN Q: How do you make a blonde's brain the size of a pea? A: Inflate it."

"I can't wait until humans move to a new planet and someone says, 'Remember having 24-hour days?' and some jerk responds, 'First world problems.' -Geoffrey Asmus"

"why do elephants paint their toe nails red? to hide in cherry trees. have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree? works doesn't it"

"A man was driving a black truck. His lights were not on. The moon was not out. A lady was crossing the street. How did the man see her? It was a bright sunny day."

"Video Games made me do it. Rock n' Roll made me do it. Witches made me do it. Satan made me do it. - a short history of responsibility"

"Why don't you want to hang out with a dude from Chicago? Because 'Illinois you!"

"Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I'm supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me."

"Where does the general keep his armies? In his sleevies!"

"I know a guy that's nearly bald who always goes outside to dry his hair. I asked him why he did that. He said ""It's a breeze."""