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Joke of the Day

"I often wish that gravity was a more selective force regarding who it kept on this planet."

"Girl, are you an umbrella? Because you're never with me when I need you & I've forgotten you at a restaurant 4 or 5 times."

"When it comes to volunteering on my gynaecology residency, I'm the first to put my hand up."

"What is the difference between a rooster and a Hooker? A rooster says ""cock-a-doodle-do"" and a Hooker says ""any cock will do."""

"I'm obsessed with you. Not like peak through your window obsesseHEY I LIKE THAT DRESS WEAR THAT ONE"

"How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it..."

"I work for the world's largest nanotechnology company. We're not very good."

"[OC] What did Remus Lupin say to Nymphadora Tonks? I'm a-lookin'... And I'm a lycan."

"I've just returned from outer space. I took a book to read while I was up there. I couldn't put it down."

"I sell property based in vietnam after WWII, people tell me i fucked up everyone there in the 60s My name is agent orange"