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Joke of the Day

"If you forget what it's like to talk on a Pay Phone, just lick the handle of a shopping cart"

"I'm really bad at portioning uncooked pasta...so if you and 110 of your friends wanna come over, dinner is ready."

"What did the man who survived a javelin headwound say to his opponent? Thanks for opening my mind."

"My biggest regret of 2014? Probably when my husband watched ""The Notebook"" with me and then I yelled at him for not building me a house"

"You think you can take me, tough guy? I'd like to see you try. Seriously, anywhere fun you might be going. Take me with."

"I'm on the steak diet. You just have four steaks for breakfast, four for lunch, then a sensible dinner of six steaks."

"Damn girl, are you the Employee of the Month? 'Cause you sure do suck a lot of dick."

"What is Hitler's favorite letter in the alphabet? I don't know, but it's definitely not z's!!!"

"What did the buffalo say to his son who was going off to college? Bison!"

"Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun."