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Joke of the Day

"A woman cries to her husband ""honey, the fridge isn't running"" Husband replies ""Good. I'm not in the mood for fast food"""

"Eye contact with the McDonald's drive-thru cashier is a shame-filled mistake."

"How do you know accountants have no imagination? They named a firm PricewaterhouseCoopers."

"A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story"

"Just finished leg day with my new trainer and now I need to replace the stairs in my house with an elevator. Or shower in the kitchen sink?"

"A liberal, a conservative and a libertarian walk in to a bar. Bartender says, what'll ya have Mitt?"

"[graduation] ...and I owe it all to my mom, and my late dad *sheds tear* [crowd cries] *dad walks in holding starbucks* ""traffic, my bad"""

"A muslim says Bismillah to ward away the three jinns (xpost from r/islam) Two hydrjinns and one oxyjinn."

"Every night someone breaks into my house & dresses me for the next day. I guess I'd be more upset if it wasn't saving me time in the morning"

"Do you like sex on tv? I tried once, but I fell off."