198085

Joke of the Day

"Life on mars found... To be unlikely."

"I like my women like I like my computer Turned on On my lap And virus free"

"sorry I didn't answer when you called, I had 6 Peeps in my mouth"

"Life is all about trying way too hard to look like you're not trying."

"I'm putting ""open bar"" on my invitations, but its gonna be a cash bar. Just because its my 3rd wedding doesn't mean u can skip it, slackers."

"[making small talk at a business function] ""You're 35 aren't you?"" ""No, I'm 38"" ""Oh right"" [long silence] ""Did you used to be 35?"""

"Why does the farmer hate his mule? Because when it works, it is always half-ass."

"So, I understand Michael Jackson died from food poisoning... ...he choked on a 9-year old weiner."

"What do you call shooting yourself in the face with jiz? Homo-cide"

"[courtroom, on witness stand] Prosecuting attny: If you think she's poisoning you, why did you eat it? Me: It was pizza [jury nods, murmurs]"