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Joke of the Day

"[making small talk at a business function] ""You're 35 aren't you?"" ""No, I'm 38"" ""Oh right"" [long silence] ""Did you used to be 35?"""

"What's Jerry Sandusky's favorite football position? Tight end"

"Where does a Muslim go for a quick bite? Allahu Snackbar!"

"If someone on your bus says ""my butthole is 28"", what do you think that means, exactly?"

"In every generation there's one man who stands up for the little guy: Bernie Sanders is that little guy."

"If horse jockeys have to be tiny just imagine how small disk jockeys have to be. I'll see myself out."

"Some ascetics were headed into the forest to meditate and one shouts ""hey budd, you gonna come seek enlightenment with us?"" ""Namaste right here."""

"""Waaaah, my boyfriend is a jerk, but I'm gonna tell twitter instead of him because I have the communication skills of a sea anemone."""

"H: What is that you're having for lunch? Me: fruit salad H: That's funny, it looks like a sangria. Me: huh, weird *sips fruit salad*"

"Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies."