198079

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear someone has invented a coffin that just covers the head? It's for people like you who're dead from the neck up!"

"If you survived a shark attack, nice job, asshole. You just missed out on the coolest way to die."

"I tell people to have a great weekend at noon on Mondays hoping they won't talk to me for the rest of the week."

"Everyone's like ""the things I want for Christmas can't be bought."" And I'm like ""Legos. I want legos."""

"*calls restaurant* Me: Hi is your place a kid friendly restaurant? Host: Of course it is sir *hangs up*"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent."

"""I see..."" said the blind man as he pissed into the wind. ""It's all coming back to me now."""

"I finally figured out why a sneeze is the equivalent of 1/8th an orgasm... I could foresee something unpleasant and unavoidable, it's now over and I can get on with my day."

"In the new Star Wars film, Han Solo goes to Chewbacca's home planet and discovers that all the other Wookies wear pants."

"What's the difference between being hungry and horny? Where you put the cucumber."