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Joke of the Day

"LG is like XDA... ... they release a phone and they go like ""Any problems? You tell me""."

"what's green and lives in the cupboard?? last year's hide and go seek champion"

"I found an old unframed oil painting in my loft yesterday of a beautiful naked lady so i mounted it"

"It's funny how you think it's your cat leaving all those dead birds on your doorstep."

"If athletes get athlete's foot then what do astronauts get? Missile toe."

"ME: I worked at a zoo for a while THERAPIST: Great! & what did you take from that? ME: [monkey noises coming from my bag] Uh good memories"

"Someone told me you thought you were good enough to be part of my exclusive pee club. Ok. Urine."

"Attack today with a positive attitude. Absolutely destroy it with good vibes. Murder its family with hope."

"No one cares if you go to the bathroom. In fact, you are the only one who gives a shit."

"I've got my first Gamblers Anonymous meeting tomorrow."