197547

Joke of the Day

"Some people have 32 teeth, others have 10. It's simple meth."

"About to hit the ball Boss: you said you'd played before? Me: uh yes Boss: that's a putter Me: Is that wrong? Boss: wrong for squash yes"

"Why are muscles poisonous? Because my biceps are killer."

"If cats could text you back, they wouldn't."

"When I'm in the shower, why does every noise sound like my phone?"

"I don't bite the hand that feeds me. I lightly suck the thumb."

"Years after presidency, the introverted former president Obama is asked if he has ever had an affair. He responds with ""I've never been one to cum outside of Michelle."""

"I wont play GI Joes with my nephew until he learns to play it right. He's 4 years old, he should know better than to drag Vader into this."

"I was going to come on here and make a Trump/Hitler/Jew joke But then it was loxed by the moderators."

"The Hydrogen + ion got into a fight with the Hydrogen Oxide - ion online The H + called the OH - too basic and the OH - called the H+ to acidic."