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Joke of the Day
"Doctor Doctor my son has swallowed my pen what should I do? Use a pencil till I get there"
Next Joke
"joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*"
"Is your ass the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty? Cause your booty is disarming"
"Don't be afraid to speak your mind but know when to shut the fcuk up."
"My mom always said that I'd never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her..."
"What do you call a greedy crab? Shell fish......"
"Upgrade your weekend: Take Monday Off..."
"""Honey, the baby sure is fussy. Why don't we go see a movie after we goto a nice, quiet restaurant?"""
"What do you call someone who believes rotten eggs smell bad, but doesn't care? An eggsy-stench-alist."
"The squirrels on campus are getting bold. I was eating a pop tart outside and a squirrel came over and stole my credit card information"