197046

Joke of the Day

"""I always try to go the extra mile for my customers"" -New York's most hated cab driver Courtesy of @lordbeef on Twitter"

"does anyone know what to do if you carve a pumpkin that is too scary. i cant go in my kitchen"

"What idiot called it an auction instead of serious bidness?"

"Whenever my parents talk about the good old days' they always seem to stop at 1979. Which is pretty cool, because that's also the year I was born... wait... what?"

"If you have a parrot and you don't teach it to say,""Help, they've turned me into a parrot."" you are wasting everybody's time."

"Pennywise the clown to Ronald ""you disgust me Ronald, you're not even scary."" Ronald McDonald: ""I've killed more people than you."""

"Donald Trump tells a joke to Hillary Clinton It was hillaryous"

"Ever get home, look at your hair in a mirror, and wonder how many small children you terrified while you were out"

"""evreytime god closes a door, he opens a window"" - me, tryimg to convince my clients their house isnt haunted"

"It remains a puzzle . . . It remains a puzzle why a bra is singular and panties are plural."