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Joke of the Day

"After being away from Reddit for a day, how do you keep up with what you missed? You go to 9gag."

"If only women knew that being happy with themselves is the most attractive quality they can ever offer."

"What do you call an orchestra with bronchitis? A coughcoughony!"

"What would you tell someone who is attempting to steal your cheese (hint: not ""nacho cheese"")? Leave my provolone!"

"The sandwich I ate for lunch reminded me of my dad.. gone."

"Why won't the witch let the traveling pig actors into her gingerbread cottage? She's afraid they'll bring down the house."

"Whether my dreams are good or bad, waking up is always worse."

"I don't get why there's so many signs around saying ""Free Wi-Fi."" I mean, I've never seen, or for that matter heard of, any Wi-Fi in captivity!"

"I'm trying to become a vegetarian so from now I'm only eating seafood. Like lobster, prawns and drowned cows."

"me: How many calls do I get? cop: one me: What do you think is more likely? a lawyer delivering pizza or a dominos providing legal counsel?"