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Joke of the Day

"I finally went to a therapist... ...and all that pervert did was ask me what I thought of a bunch of dirty pictures some guy named Rorschach painted."

"How do you know if a Muslim is laughing online? He types, ""HALOL"""

"There are two guys in a radar station... when all of a sudden an incoming missile shows up on the radar. One guy shits himself and the other guy turns and says ""Ha! ICBM""."

"I was a baker when I was in the army. When I went to war, I went in all buns glazing."

"Twitter. /twt.r/ (noun) Twit-ur: an omnidirectional toxic sludge pump for the lame and unfunny musings of the imbecilic masses."

"Honestly, after an hour of Disney Channel I don't give a shit about the future"

"Ex: Do you ever think of someone else when we have sex? Me: No, it's always George Clooney."

"Terrible advice for a suicide survival hotline: If at first you don't succeed..."

"If I want to nap for just an hour, I have a big glass of water beforehand. Alarms can be turned off, but a full bladder waits for no one."

"I've just won the 2013 'Most secretive person' award. I can't tell you how much it means to me."