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Joke of the Day

"My mom: I was thinking of getting my grandson a drum set for Christmas! Me: Funny. I was just thinking about getting a new mother."

"WHY DOES THIS BOTTLE OF BODY WASH HAVE DIRECTIONS PRINTED ON IT"

"Q: If a man's signature is called a John Hancock, what do you call a woman's? A: Historically insignificant."

"I love getting blowjobs, but sometimes I feel like an asshole."

"I don't know why everyone is hating on this mayweather it's beautiful out."

"My grandpappy didn't come here from Norway so a black president could let immigrants park their low-riders in front of my liquor store!"

"Word of the day - Obama. I opened a bottle of brandy and drank it Obama self."

"Old Jewish Proverb: It's better to have Russians cut-off the gas than ... ... have Germans pump it."

"How do you split $6 between 5 mexicans? You cut *Juan* out."

"I've just accidentally swallowed some scrabble tiles... My next shit could spell disaster!"