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Joke of the Day

"After two months, I finally finished reading a book on herbs & spices It's about thyme. Bet you didn't see that one cumin."

"""Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes"" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no."

"I like vegans! I meant vagina's!"

"Why was windows 10 afraid of windows 7? Because windows 7 8 9."

"Married Couple Friend:hey how's your married life buddy..... Jhon: 20 years before it was like heaven ....... 20 years after no fucks given"

"This morning's commute could have used more FAST and less FURIOUS."

"Awkward That awkward when you read ""moment"" even though it wasn't there."

"I blame my parents for my apathetic attitude... ... but I don't care."

"My actual wife and my twitter wife are talking via Kik. I will be camping in the woods forever if you need me."

"I make my children listen to people like Pink Floyd and Bob Marley so they learn the difference between Chris Brown and music."