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Joke of the Day

"*boss trying to relate to younger employees* ""Excited for the weekend? I know I'll be *looks down at Wikipedia print-out* Yoloing for sure!"""

"I recently saw a Broadway production about the origin of language It was just a play on words"

"The Hamburglar burgled HAM. If he stole burgers, he'd be called the Hamburgerburglar."

"I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge."

"What is the difference between New York City and the deep south? In the deep south they at least had a show trial before letting murders walk free."

"if aliens show up and they're nice, we'll take them captive. and if they're mean, they'll take us captive. anyway, happy thanksgiving."

"911: what's your emergency? M: I'm out of ketchup. 911: miss I don't think u get how 911 works. M: I DONT THINK U GET HOW HOT DOGS WORK"

"heard this one today what's Michel Obama's favorite vegetable? Barackoli!"

"I've been debating with myself about masturbating... On one hand it feels great... Edit: Thanks Bo"

"apparently some people have been using wind to take the leaves from my frontyard and put them other places. they are still mine regardles"