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Joke of the Day

"[end of a job interview] Interviewer: Any questions? Me: If you could become half robot, would you do it? Him: Me: Him: Which half?"

"Our WIFI was down yesterday and I spent 45 minutes trying to fix it. Our dishwasher has been broken for 3 weeks and I haven't even touched it."

"When I sit down on a field, I automatically start pulling grass out of the ground."

"Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you? Chihuahua: No I was playing throw with her!"

"What do you call a fat person with hemophilia? Diableedes"

"My girlfriend doesn't like it when I ask her to blow cool air on me She is not a fan."

"Smoke alarms are stupid -- like I'd ever forget to smoke."

"i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it"

"I accidentally ate a piece of rope... I shit you knot"

"Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them."