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Joke of the Day

"the karate policy at this nursing home is bullshit"

"I always tell my kids that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people."

"I wonder if Bruce Jenner got wished a happy Mother's Day. Title"

"I saw two blokes having a fight... I shouted, ""My money's on the one with the knife!"" You should have seen how fucking fast they both ran off."

"what's the square root of 69? ate something."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs They always take things literally"

"If my liver was a person, it'd be Doris, the 50 year old waitress pouring coffee at the truckstop for 35 years & smoking since she was born."

"The hardest thing about being a Pink Floyd fan... ...is watching a vegetarian eat pudding."

"Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words."

"A guy found his dog lying in a puddle of blood behind his house He rang the number for the emergency animal rescue. 'Is it moving?' they asked. 'Yes', he replied. 'It's quite emotional.'"