196497

Joke of the Day

"I encountered a courteous, safe driver in a practical vehicle that had a marine corps decal on the rear windshield."

"What do you call a super cool assassin? A badassassin."

"[burglar gently waking me] you live like this?"

"Shades by Gucci, shirt by Dolce&Gabbana, face by Douchebag."

"I like to stand in crowded elevators facing the wrong way with a confused look on my face, and finally exclaim, ""Oh, it's an ELEVATOR."""

"A Jewish daughter asks her Jewish dad for forty dollars to go to the movies... the dad says: ""Thirty dollars?! what do you need twenty five dollars for?!"""

"If Jesus had been discovered to have no risen, what would this be called? Resurectile dysfunction."

"First post: unconditional love test Lock your wife/husband in the trunk of your car for an hour, then your dog. Guess who's still happy to see you..."

"Why did the funeral director cover his mouth? he kept coffin"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? I can't marmalade my dick up your ass."