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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I walked past a fancy restaurant She said ""Ohh , something smells nice"" So I decided to treat her - I let her walk past it a second time."

"Did you see the news about the Governor of Alabama's mansion burning down? Damn near took out the entire trailer park."

"Stranger: ""Hey, I like your beard!"" Me: ""Thanks, it's really growing on me"""

"Once I had a dog... Once I had a dog name Marlboro who didn't have any legs. Sometimes I'd take him out and we'd go for a drag"

"I hate when I'm in a room with 3 other people, & I have to shove the entire kit kat in my mouth."

"I almost got caught stealing a board game today... but it was a Risk I was willing to take."

"A vampire could've photobombed every picture you've ever been in and you will never know"

"And then the penguin says to the bartender, this *is* my most casual outfit!"

"Me: Jimi Hendrix? Daughter: Who? Me: Beatles? Daughter: Who? Me: Doors? Daughter: Who? Me: Justin Bieber? Daughter: Hate him. Me: Thank God."

"My sex life is like a penguin, I don't have a penguin."