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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I walked past a fancy restaurant She said ""Ohh , something smells nice"" So I decided to treat her - I let her walk past it a second time."

"I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World 2) I do not want to be cremated."

"My LOTR joke If Gimli's father was evil, would he be called Gloin the Dark?"

"Programmed Siri to respond to any request with ""That's what she said."""

"How early do I need to start thawing the cat for Thanksgiving?"

"What's the difference between a fish and a guitar? You can't tuna fish!!!"

"Cop: Lets go, boys, no meth in this house. *zoom to fish tank* Fish 1: *nods* Fish 2: [taps on pirate ship] Resume cooking, Lenny. *bubbles*"

"Jokes about vaginas are disgusting... Period."

"A cop just knocked on my front door. He told me my dog was chasing someone on a bike. Told the cop it wasn't my dog, he doesnt even own a bike."

"What's the hardest part of milking a mouse ? Getting it to fit over a bucket !"