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Joke of the Day
"And then the penguin says to the bartender, this *is* my most casual outfit!"
Next Joke
"A local candle shop burned down... it didnt help that everyone stood outside and sang happy birthday"
"If you really want to surprise your man during intercourse, die."
"I'm no meteorologist, but I'm washing my car so there's a 97% chance of rain."
"A man walks into a bar And the bar happened to be at crotch level and it hurt like a motherfucker"
"A 3 legged dog walks into a bar... Bartender says ""what can I get you?"" dog replies ""nothing.... I'm just looking for the man who shot my paw"""
"The family pet is getting old so we're all pitching in and throwing the dog poop in the neighbors yard when she can't make it over there."
"Did you hear why Clippy stopped posting on reddit? He got .docxed."
"Me: Get the tires rotated?? Don't they rotate enough while the car is moving? Mechanic: Omg you're right! What a scam. I truly apologize."
"A guy walks into a psychiatrists office... ...wearing nothing but saran wrap. The psychiatrist takes one look at him and says ""Well, I can clearly see your nuts""."