196211

Joke of the Day

"Waiter: Hi! Our special today is macaroni or cheese! Me: Wait - did you say 'or' cheese? Waiter: *lifts shirt, reveals gun* Look, I'm a cop"

"""I'll Knock You Into Next Week"" have black mothers invented time travel? Details at 11. #ABCReports"

"I sincerely hope that when I get older my children don't put me in a home or on a stage at a political convention."

"An 89 is just a 69 with a fat chick."

"My doctor constantly says I'm artistic. I don't know why he keeps mispronouncing it, though"

"Why is the vagina like the weather? Because when it's wet it's time to go insiiiiiiide."

"We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn't give up on their dreams."

"Take a selfie it'll last long-wait delete that one my eyebrows look fat take another."

"What do you call the entrance to a brothel? Hodor"

"Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: ""No son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible but I like your thinking""."