196174

Joke of the Day

"my mom walked in when I was printing out a naked picture of a woman in 5th grade& we sat there in silence listening to the loud, 90s printer"

"How do you make a dead baby float ? Two scoops of ice-cream and one scoop of dead baby."

"Are you a magician?? Because you're making my penis levitate."

"Saying ""oh my gosh you're getting so big!"" is cute and acceptable to say to a 6 year old. Not so much to an ex-girlfriend."

"Plot twist: two birds kill YOU with one stone."

"Jimmy Kimmel and the Fine Brothers working together [NSFW] Pornhub acquires Twitch"

"Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!"

"What did the hungry whale do? He bit the tail off a submarine and sucked out all the seamen."

"Cashier: would u like a bag? Me: no I'll just carry the economy box of pads & Midol out so whoever thinks of kidnapping me will think twice"

"one time a friend asked me ""how are you still single?!"" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head"